Crossing your inner barrier to your reader

Moving from safe writing to authentic connection

My cover image (made by bullying AI)

There is a spark inside the barrier in every one of us. Mine wants to get out.

It's quite uncomfortable. Here I am, living the life of a responsible adult: work, be serious, and take care of administrative tasks. Underneath it all is a person who is both scared and bold, searching the Internet on how to let her inner person out in a good way. She writes to herself in little bits and scraps on an iPhone app, and there it stays, because the sensible one doesn't let her come out and play.

It's confronting to be authentic and vulnerable. Nobody wants to be kicked out of the 'tribe' if you get it wrong. Primal survival instincts keep you invisible.

On the other hand, the sensible one does want to cooperate. Sometimes they have fun ideas together when they mix her deep well of general knowledge with a playful twist, making her feel... more.

Authentic, got it. Now how?

Yet on the Internet, there are not many articles on how to do that. Yes, you’re told to be authentic, grow your audience, and find your ideal reader. Also, how to use your community/page/account to stand out the right way. Though, you’re not told how to avoid the feeling of shouting into a void. Which you are at first, like everyone. Everyone shares the fear nobody is listening.

Nobody tells you how, because nobody can.

Nothing out there tells you how to stop looking from the outside in to magically ‘being yourself online and when writing.’ When I read a comment by Ms. Diddy on Substack that resonated with me, it made me think about how to shine from within. That’s the real struggle. Figure out what you’re going to talk about, or in which form, or in which format (oh, so much talk of format!). Even more than that, it is how to get eyes on you. It’s about how to be you in your writing. As Ms. Diddi put it: “Be you. Be brave. Be seen.”

This is true for several creative endeavors, though. A writer dreams of seeing their book in a real bookshop. A blogger hopes to help someone with the same problems they faced. A performer in front of an audience: on stage in a play, singing, or competing in an Improv game, also known as theater sports. I was all of these.

Improv: What you put in comes out

Yes, little me daring to think and feel big. I worked with my teammates to bring the best scenes to life, trying to win round after round and hopefully the evening's competition.

At first, just standing on stage (one step higher than the audience) was an accomplishment in itself.

Then you learn the different game structures and use input from those watching to give the best performance. But sometimes the response is polite clapping, or worse: silence… You want to win the competition and let your teammates shine. Yet, something is holding you back at first...

In Improv training, you learn to go deeper, find the place within where you remember a similar feeling, a similar situation, and how it was to be in it. Using that in the stress of a competition night, there it is: the moment when you grasp your innermost spark, work through your barrier, and display it for everyone to see.

THEN you connect: 'Here, this is me. Be kind.'

When the applause comes, it is like a high: 'They saw me!'

Writing is lonely, yet not for your eyes only

When I started writing online, I didn't realize the boundary around my authentic self went back up. Even though I wanted to write my stories, most of the time I wrote "adult articles," following someone else’s advice, staying safe on the outer layers of my protective inner barrier to be more professional.
Result: I got less response on the articles I worked hard to ‘produce’ than the stories that flowed from within me.

But… I can hear you thinking, ‘That is all well and good, but how to reach the place deep inside you and express it on digital paper? What if they don't connect back?’

There is no applause on a website.

Congratulations, you found the real fear that creates the barrier in the first place. It is in you, in me, and in everyone. Whether you're a writer of books, a storyteller, an article writer, or someone selling the craft of the side hustle to others.
The last one seems safer: get aspiring writers to buy your products. Then turn their responses into part of your products. You sell their experience of you rather than yourself.

AI: a new way to hide 'I Am'

I guess showing anything of the person you are deep inside is the most important and loneliest step. Writers shy away from it, especially without any 'real world' experience of how to open the barrier and be seen.

It is far easier to ask AI to step in, to hide behind the beautiful but empty words a language model can produce on video, in articles, or even as part of books. Sort of like only following the structure of an Improv game without the infusion of heart and feelings from behind your protective inner wall.
It’s less lonely and frightening that way. Also... less human, which is apparent in the more generic writing of an AI. They forget one simple thing:

Getting your spark out there is the only way to connect and light the spark in others.

Think of it this way: we are all perpetually on our first day of school. Dodging the bullies (our own mind being the worst one!), hoping the other kids will like us, and finding our place in society. Which we did, eventually.

We can do it again.

Finding our place inside and out

It is challenging to get past the self-doubt and protection, revealing your authentic spark outside that safe barrier inside you for all to see. I wish there was a way of knowing upfront there is an audience for that Me writing articles to help others with all my thoughts, flaws, and wit. I would tell them:

"Hi, I am Mireille.

I love cats, technology, reading, interesting facts, and a lot more. I have nuggets of fun and information, my thoughts, and stories to share. I just have no idea how.

Let's play!"

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